


Is This A Bad Time?

by themultifandomnerd



Series: Haikyuu!! Oneshots [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, appstore games in real life, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, matsuhana are bad influences and memes, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5846854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themultifandomnerd/pseuds/themultifandomnerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi Tadashi liked helping people. Helping someone genuinely made him feel happy and gave him satisfaction with his life. It was just the occasional people he had to help that got hurt making stupid decisions that made him question his career choice. For instance, a guy cutting himself on the face trying to play Fruit Ninja in real life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This A Bad Time?

**Author's Note:**

> a small and comedic piece of writing that doubles as a birthday present for a friend.

“will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and i’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Yamaguchi Tadashi liked helping people.

 

Seriously, genuinely helping people.

 

He didn’t really know why, but growing up just getting a smile and a “thank you” was very satisfying and all he needed to feel like he was accomplishing life. That was why he always followed an “at least one random act of kindness” policy every day. And that was also why he became an Emergency Medical Technician.

 

His job paid well and he was doing what he loved most. Helping people out.

 

Stark contrast to his best friend growing up, Tsukishima Kei. Ironically enough, the guy became a high school teacher.

 

So what if not everyone was grateful and every once in awhile you ran into that one asshole. Yamaguchi didn’t really have any qualms on his decision. Unless you counted some occasional people he ended up tending to because of stupid decisions, and there had quite a few occasions where he had those encounters.

 

Like, someone trying to carry a Christmas tree naked.

 

Somebody else trying to stop a ceiling fan with their head.

 

Or in this case… someone trying to play fruit ninja in real life.

 

 _Why in the hell would someone think it was a good idea to use a katana they bought from a convention to cut a mid-air watermelon?!_ Yamaguchi gritted his teeth. _Matter of a fact, who thought it was a good idea to reenact a game from an app store in the first place?!_

 

As he gathered his med kit, Yamaguchi eyed the guy sitting on the bench of the ambulance holding a towel to his face. Some cleaning and a few temporary stitches were all he needed. And at least the guy calmed down in comparison to when he first arrived at the scene. The needle had been sterilized and the thread was ready, and he easily managed to pour some water into a rag he was holding and was preparing to lather it with some soap.

 

He had been bawling about how his beautiful face was going to be ruined for life and that this was extremely an unfair left hook from fate since he had a play he would be starring in two weeks. _“What kind of Romeo has a scar on his nose?!”_ The man had bawled until one of his friends, though unorthodox in his methods, got him to calm down (“I told you and Matsukawa and Hanamaki this was a dumb idea and the moment I turn my back you do exactly what I said not to do?! Who the hell threw the watermelon?!”)

 

Yamaguchi sighed. The guy was cute, he’d give him that, but only an idiot would think Irl Fruit Ninja was a safe activity.

 

“Okay, sir.” Yamaguchi said at last. “So I’m going to need to clean the scratch, so if you could remove--”

 

The man, Pretty Boy(?), interrupted. “Scratch?” He looked mildly offended. “You call this a _scratch_?”

 

Yamaguchi inhaled deeply in the quietest manner he could. “The injury.” He corrected himself. “I am going to clean it with some water and mild soap--”

 

“Shouldn’t you be using hydrogen peroxide?” Pretty Boy interrupted again.

 

“Actually, that can slow down the healing process since it can damage tissues. It’s better to use some cool water and mild water to clean out the debris, dirt, blood, that kind of thing.” Yamaguchi informed. “Then to make sure I’ll go over it with some antiseptic. The bleeding should be just about done at this point, so could you remove the towel and I can get you all fixed up.”

 

Pretty Boy eyed him suspiciously for a moment, “Does it hurt then?”

 

“It might sting a little.” Yamaguchi admitted. “But if it hurts too much we can stop for a few seconds, but I’m really going to need you to grin and bear it since you could get sick from delaying a proper clean up.”

 

“....” Pretty Boy nodded slowly at last before slowly taking the towel from his nose. The scratch wasn’t that deep and while it would scar, it would be light and not that noticeable at first glance. So that was good.

 

He pressed the soapy rag against the bridge of Pretty Boy’s nose and while pretty boy hissed a bit, he quieted down after a minute and it was smooth sailing.

 

Until he whipped out the rag with antiseptic and pressed it lightly against the edge of Pretty Boy’s scratch. “Hey…” Pretty Boy cracked an eye open. “You’ve been pretty quiet, does this hurt?”

 

Pretty Boy gave a shaky smirk and Yamaguchi felt the worry sink. “Well, no… but,” his voice was shaky.

 

“But?” Yamaguchi took the cloth away.

 

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Pretty Boy suddenly grinned and leaned forward, hand on his chin.

 

“... What.” It wasn’t even an actual question.

 

“Because, you have stars on your face and while you could be an alien, you are out of this world.”

 

 _No, oh my. Is he--_ “.... Are you flirting with me? _Really_ ?” _And with_ those _lines of all things?!_

 

“...” Pretty Boy looked unphased. “Is now a bad time?”

 

Yamaguchi paused before retorting, “You think?!”

 

“Yo, Yamaguchi, everything alright over there?!” Yamaguchi jumped when he heard the other EMT’s voice. His name was Nishinoya Yuu and he was pretty chill. And he was Yamaguchi’s senior in the EMT business by a year. He was out getting the report from Pretty Boy’s friend.

 

“Er, yes sir!” Yamaguchi scolded himself. This was no time for flirting, but this was also no time for yelling at his possibly stupid and extremely hot patient. “Okay, I’m going to apply the antiseptic now.”

 

Pretty Boy was grinning again, “So after this do you think you have any free time for some coffee?”

 

“I prefer to be strictly professional when on the job.” Yamaguchi replied as he once again pressed the cloth against Pretty Boy’s ‘injury’, only to stop-- eyebrow twitching-- when he felt the large hand on his upper thigh. Too high up for his liking.

 

Pretty Boy’s eyes twinkled mischievously, “You just seemed so cute and worried before that I thought you needed a comforting hand to make you feel more at ease as you applied the antiseptic.”

 

“Please. Remove. Your. Hand.” Yamaguchi gritted.

 

His only reply was Pretty Boy sliding his hand down to his knee.

 

“Do I need to find the pliers--”

 

“Okay, hands gone.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

It was quiet for a few more minutes and Yamaguchi mentally sighed in relief. “So… now we just need stitches--”

 

“But you’ve already stitched my heart, all I need is the soothing bandage of you saying ‘yes’ to me asking you out on a--”

 

“You just took a sword to the face because you thought it was a good idea to play an appstore game in real life, you have a scratch on your nose that needs stitches, and you choose now to try and score a fucking date?!” Yamaguchi tried his best to shriek quietly.

 

“Well anything sounds like a bad idea if you say it like that.” Pretty Boy sniffled.

 

“GOD DAMN IT OIKAWA ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON THE EMT BACK THERE?!”

 

This time, it was Pretty Boy who jumped. “Oh crap--”

 

The man from earlier appeared in front of the opened doors with a bulging temple, nose flaring. “First it’s fruits now it’s trying to get laid?!”

 

“I am not just trying to get laid here Iwa-chan, I am attempting to score a series a date that could possibly lead to getting laid but at the same time result in a boyfriend.”

 

“Get out the ambulance, I’m driving you to the hospital. You’re getting the stitches there.” The man, Iwa-chan, said without missing a beat.

 

“But Iwa--” ‘Oikawa’ stopped mid-protest when a dark aura filled the air. “Er…” he stood up. “I guess I’ll try and see you later Yama-chan, but does coffee at Seijoh’s at around eight sound good?”

 

“OIKAWA.”

 

“I’m getting out the vehicle already Iwa-chan calm your titties!” Eventually their voices faded away until the sound of a car pulling off filled the air. “Later Yama-chan, it’s my treat!”

 

“DON’T STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW IDIOT!”

 

Yamaguchi blinked a couple times, face blank.

 

“Geez Yamaguchi, you’re pretty popular.” Nishinoya whistled.

 

\----------------

 

Oikawa Tooru clasped a hand around Tadashi’s arm with a wide smile. “And that was the night you were consummated!”

 

Shouyou stared at his dads in a mix of horror and disbelief. “What?”

 

“Tooru that is not what happened that night and you know it!”

 

“I was seduced by your father’s scrubs it was so romantic~”

 

“Not in front of Shouyou!”

 

“Oh he already knows how the birds and the bees work calm your testicles.”

  
**_“TOORU.”_ **

**Author's Note:**

> And who said that doing idiotic things wouldn't lead to finding your future spouse? (But no seriously Jessie don't attempt to play irl fruit ninja and if you do don't throw a fucking watermelon!)


End file.
